Day 2
There’s so much I wish to tell you. There’s the little things: the coffees,1 the hesitant hellos, the ease of dinners. Instead, I’ll write about two things.
One is about this website. For a long time, I had felt like I had mastered Obsidian Publish and all its intricacies; I probably had the most customised setup one could under the rules of Publish, including a backdoor way to get custom CSS. I also tried to overhaul the website a few times, doing an action similar to pulling a weight nowhere and then letting go, which may have appeared to some as an ironic waste of time for “this blog that no one reads.” I agreed, but I kept going, because even though I don’t think I’ll ever be in a situation that calls for me to lift something heavy off of my chest, I still bench press. I suppose in this contrived metaphor, going to Hackuba was like creatine, or steroids, or something. Logan sat and listened to my confused ramblings and taught me a lot about website design. Peter pulled back the curtain on his (very admirable) website. I then disobeyed all of their suggestions and coded an exact copy of my (previously unintentionally; now intentionally) ugly website. Still, I felt like I had broken through a ceiling my head was rubbing against.
The other is about people. College towns are interesting, in some sense, as equalisers. There tend to be local cultures that normalise students, there are less places to spend money, and there are classes that take up lots of your schedule, all leading, I think, to a suppression of “true personality” compared to being in a more open/unfamiliar setting. Also, compared to being in a city. Like Hong Kong.2
What I mean by true personality is unclear. It’s hard to put into words. I’m sure, for instance, that some people have come to UNC from smaller, less open settings and flourished as a result, with the rate of flourishing decreasing as UNC grows more familiar. I also don’t think it’s as simple as “I feel more alive/human/full” when I’m with X group and “less alive/human/full” when in Chapel Hill. Whatever personality is: diversity of background seems to stimulate it, so does diversity of values/interests. And maybe, to some extent, a less imposing/strong local culture, more places to spend money, and less classes that take up schedule. This might not always be a good thing — for instance, the local culture of Chapel Hill is part of its charm.
Anyways: I wrote this to say I don’t recognise the effect that Chapel Hill has on me until I leave. I get into routines and then realise those routines became who I was for that semester. Being in Guatemala has meant exposure to a strong, diverse, interesting (house/new country’s) culture. I have felt, well, more true. Less equalised. More unstable, etc. But it’s the good kind of energy.