A Haircut

October 18th, 2023

I got a haircut yesterday from a man who did not speak French or English. He explained his English was “much better than his French” and proceeded to not say anything comprehensible in English for a half hour. This was, in my view, the most optimal way to get my haircut. I’ve never enjoyed explaining what haircut I’d like, because I still haven’t figured out what haircut looks passable. I also feel like, as a general take, the most optimal service generally correlates with less verbal formality around the service (e.g Chinese restaurants).

Now, the obvious question: what haircut did I get? After a ten minute negotiating session that can only be described as me putting fingers on my scalp while we both gesticulate and nod aggressively, I sat still while I got the cleanest fade I’ve honestly ever had. He would finish a fade, I would think he was done, and then he would shave it off and then do another one higher up. It felt like he was practicing out of boredom. It was excellent. For a good five minutes, he wasn’t even looking at my head, because the television was showing a sketch show that he was enjoying. I would silently thank God anytime he turned the clippers off to double over laughing, because that signified temporary relief from what he had been doing before: cutting my hair without looking.

Eventually, I was left with a beautiful fade and an extremely long — almost mullet — length on top. Despite my great temptations to just rock a mullet, I asked him to make it shorter. He frowned, then said “ca va?” when he turned the clippers on. Either my specifications got lost in translation, or “ca va” was rhetorical, for my hair was soon very short. I locked eyes with him, and I couldn’t stop laughing at the absurdity of the situation. I had just gotten a buzz cut as old King Bach vine boom sounds were playing in the background.

Some other great facts about this place: there were six barbers for four chairs, I got charged 30% more for something called “citron”, I did not see a pair of scissors. I mean this with complete sincerity: I had an excellent time. Hair grows back, a good story is priceless — or more precisely, seven euros at this barbershop. Ten if you want citron.